Yet he isn't afraid to tackle issues that other columnists won't - such as barroom flatulence ("Making a Stink") and picking up dog poop ("A Crappy Proposal").
Below you'll find Halleron's roundup of some local issues of the past year. If you've missed any of his columns, please search www.hudsonreporter.com.
Here's a heartwarming look back at the year that was, and who or what pissed me off throughout:
January: Aye, I started off the New Year swinging free and easy as I donned a kilt and adopted Britney Spears' casual approach to undergarments ("Going Britney Like a Scotsman"). In the end, I'd say my year turned out a wee bit better than hers.
A routine trip to the Hoboken Public Library produced, amazingly, one of my most commented upon columns to date ("Public Library"). Apparently if you want something read, target the librarian demographic.
February: Ah, yes... the Hoboken St. Patrick's Day gripe sessions came early in 2007 ("We All Have Our Horror Stories"). Maybe this year we can start bitching about it in January. My point, should you have bothered to read the whole thing ("You Can't Handle the Truth"), was that you shouldn't single out the bars on St. Patrick's Day, since most of the trouble takes place outside their realm. Ugh, I already have an aneurysm from thinking about this year's event.
March: You mean there was a March? I thought Hoboken St. Patrick's Day was the end of the world!!!
April: It was high time a local reporter had the courage to tackle the tough issues - like barroom flatulence. From April's column: "One year into New Jersey's smoking ban, I find myself longing for those murky days of yore. As a bartender, the state's intention was to protect me from the vile vapors of tobacco. But now who will protect me from something far more foul - the fetid fog of flatulence?"
May: "A Crappy Proposal" - Let's call it a pretty $#!++% attempt at satire. Now pick up your dog crap!
June: Whatever happened to cash ("Want Credit? Carry Cash")? Putting that bottle of water on your credit card, eh? Really? REALLY?!?!
July: Apparently I didn't upset enough moms when my original piece ran, so I felt the need to go back at 'em (Stroller Pushin' Mamas Revisited").
From the column: "One of the more confounding scenarios I find on the streets of Hoboken is when you see mommy pushing some massive Humvee of an empty stroller while the little tyke is walking along...PUSHING ANOTHER STROLLER!!! Granted, it's normally a tiny stroller with a little dolly inside and of course it's certainly adorable in its own right. But do we really need a seemingly redundant inundation of strollers along our already congested walkways?..."
I have a feeling this one's gonna end up coming back on me, as karma can be a bitch (or a bastard - we'll let you know...)
August: Watching all that Planet Earth on Discovery made me realize I could do my part by boycotting plastic bags ("Bagging Plastic").
September: Like a true conservationist, I recycled the topic of a previously used column ("Double-Bagging Plastic"). Turns out "Big Plastic" has an agenda, and its foot-soldiers are pushy, immigrant grocers.
October: With all the seafood, tacos, and sausages I'd been eating ("Fat Guy in a little Race"), I had a bit of jogging to do.
November: Aw yeah... "Hoot-boken's Finest" Boys will be boys, with their toys, and their liquor, and their scantily clad Hooters girls holding guns. You'd just think any policeman worth his salt would know when and how to withhold the friggin' evidence.
December: Apparently some professional athletes have partaken of performance enhancing drugs ("Kiss My Asterisk"). Let's talk about how bad it is, then do nothing about it.
There it is - a year's supply of whine. Hope you enjoyed it because without you, the public, I'd have nothing to bitch about. Thanks for being there. Happy New Year!
Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/bitter bartender, writes a biweekly humor column for The Hudson Current and websites in the New York Metro area. He spends a lot of his time either in front of or behind the bar in Hoboken, New Jersey where his tolerance for liquor grows stronger as his tolerance for society is eroded on a daily basis. Feel free to drop him a line at email@example.com.