Everybody deals with the pressures of getting married differently, but perhaps nobody has dealt with them as creatively as Phillip "Kerim" Friedman and his new wife Shashwati Talukdar.

Like many couples, Friedman and Talukdar had difficult issues to settle about whose religious and cultural traditions they would follow during their wedding ceremony. Friedman, whose father teaches at the Stevens Institute of Technology, was raised in Hoboken as a Jew. Talukdar was raised in New Delhi, India according to Hindu traditions.

"Both of our mothers wanted us to do something that would incorporate our traditions and rituals into a ceremony," explained Talukdar this week. "So we decided to do something that would make both parties happy. We would have traditional ceremonies, but we decided to transpose the locations."

And so on July 16, the couple was wed in a traditional Hindu religious ceremony - complete with an open fire - at Stevens Institute. And this winter, the families will meet again in New Delhi, where the Talukdars live, for a traditional Jewish ceremony on Nov. 26.

Each of the host families has taken charge of organizing the ceremony that takes place on their own turf, even though that has required a lot of learning about another culture's traditions.

"My mother had to understand what a Jewish wedding would involve," explained Talukdar. "It made her interact with a lot of traditions and cultures that she didn't know about. You know, until you have to do something you don't really understand it."

Of course there are problems.

"My mother is wondering where she can go in New Delhi to get kosher wine," she said with a laugh.

It's authentic

Like the Talukdars, the Friedmans went to great lengths to ensure the authenticity of the Hindu ceremony that took place at Stevens.

The groom, who was dressed in a traditional Hindu marriage outfit featuring a hat made of the pulp from a banana tree, was not the only one in appropriate garb. While his get-up was flown over by the bride's family, the Friedman's found a tailor in Queens who was able to fashion a similar outfit for Kerim's brother Millar. The father of the groom, Dr. Edward Friedman, the director of Stevens' Center for Improved Engineering and Science Education, wore a Nehru coat, a fashion named after the former Indian Prime Minister. His mother, Dr. Arline Lederman, wore a traditional Indian wrap known as a Sarhi. Lederman also made good on the Hindu tradition of presenting the daughter-in-law with a Sarhi by handing over a wrap she had used during travel in India in the late '60s.

The ceremony included traditional Hindu elements such as a walk around an open fire.

"Hindu ceremonies require that you throw clarified butter - or ghi - into the fire," said Friedman. "The audience said afterwards that was the most exciting thing because we were walking around the fire, and we were very close, so every time we threw the ghi in it flared. We were very close with our expensive garments on and the fact that they could have caught on fire at any time apparently really added to the excitement."

The ceremony also included an exchange of vows in Sanskrit. "I had no idea what I was saying," said Friedman laughing, "but people said that my pronunciation was excellent."

Although the November ceremony will not be officiated by a rabbi, the couple plans on having one bless them as a part of the ceremony.

"Rabbis usually will not do mixed marriages, but according to Jewish tradition you don't need a rabbi to conduct a ceremony," explained Friedman. "The central thing is really the contract between the bride and the groom. We are going to have a local Jewish rabbi who will add some prayers so that we will have some connection to the local tradition."

In addition to the religious ceremonies, the couple wed legally in a Manhattan court room on July 14, thereby avoiding the imprimatur of making one ceremony official and making the other just for fun.

The couple met while pursuing graduate studies at Temple University in Philadelphia. Friedman, who speaks Mandarin and Taiwanese, is still pursuing his PhD. in anthropology. Talukdar graduated with an MFA in Film Production and Criticism in 1999.

Friedman will soon return to Taiwan to finish the second year of a two-year fellowship he won in 1998. Talkudar will stay in New York where she works as an independent filmmaker. Both plan to keep their names. The couple seemed pleased with the way that the first ceremony turned out.

"My parents were very, very pleased," said Talukdar. "A lot of care was taken to keep things accurate and to understand the traditions. Even though it was an interpretation and a truncation - most Hindu weddings go three to seven days and this was just one - everybody bothered to understand the ceremony and what the ritual was all about. They were absolutely thrilled. My aunt and uncle who had come from Toronto were remarking that this was really good for their kids who did not know a lot about these traditions. So it was a great way to learn for everyone.