Dear Ms. Fix-it:
I was recently married in June in a civil ceremony. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. I did not want to get married so soon. Actually, there was a while that I didn't want to be with him period. I broke up with him a few times but then he would come to me crying- (really sobbing) for me to take him back On one of our upswings he asked me to marry him. I said yes, thinking we would wait at least a year. He wore me down finally and we got married on a whim. During the course of all this I have been keeping a diary, which I didn't ever want him to read. Yet one night when he came over to fix me dinner for a surprise he read it. (Yes Ms. Fix-it, we still keep separate spaces.) Anyway, I come home to find him crying on the floor and then he starts hyperventilating and reciting passages back to me. I ask him, do you want to break up? He says no. So now, I'm trying to work it out, but in the back of my mind I think he really pushed everything because he doesn't have a Green Card. He had a work permit but it expired. I feel bad for him, but I also feel bad about us. We haven't had sex since it happened and I keep thinking about having an affair. What should I do? Cut and run or work it out? - Wondering
Dear Wondering:
Pity is among the worst reasons to stay in a marriage, right up there with 'he didn't mean to hit me.' Have you been asleep?! You have allowed yourself to be led to this...weird weird place. You're suddenly married...to a sap who needed a green card!! You don't even live together, and you're not having sex?!?! Oooh...it all hurts! I wanna throw up a little, don't you? I don't easily dismiss marital vows, but the predicament you are describing is absurd and surreal. You ask if you should cut and run or work it out. Work what out? Nowhere in your letter do I see any evidence of a relationship. You date him because he cries. You marry him because he cries. You stay with him because he cries. Well, at least when you two have a baby, it'll be no adjustment for you. Yes, I think you should run...far and fast! It doesn't seem like you ever had feelings for the cry-baby. Do not allow any more sniveling...just cut him loose, ASAP!
Dear Ms. Fix-it:
I've lived in Hoboken for the past eight years. During that time, I've dated a variety of men, but none that really seemed to stick. I'm very busy, I work two jobs and I'm involved in a bunch of sports and social groups in town. Anyway, one of my very good male friends just got married. When I first met him we were both single. Initially, I was crazy about him, but he didn't seem to reciprocate. Anyway, we became good friends and I started dating other people. At the wedding, I meet a childhood friend of his, who says, "You're X?! He was in love with you!" Anyway, no, I didn't cause a scene at the wedding, but now I'm just heartbroken. I'm not thinking of asking him to leave his wife, but I do wonder about talking to him about it. Because now I can't stop thinking about what might have been and I wonder if he didn't tell me because of some vibe I'm giving out. Ms. Fix-it, Should I ask him to talk? - Talk to me
Dear Talk to me:
No, no, no!
Whatever unrequited love or star-crossed lovers scenes are running through your head...you're too late and you've seen too many movies. Your opportunity with this guy was when you were both single. And don't lie to me! You say you're not looking to break up his marriage, that you just want to talk to him...what do you have in mind for this talk? What do you expect will come of it? Either you create a terrible awkwardness and ruin your friendship, or you confuse the hell out of this newlywed and possibly screw up his new happiness. Then what? You two go skipping off into the sunset leaving a path of destruction behind you? Oh, right, you only want to talk to him. Have you even asked yourself what you're looking for? Leave it alone. I know you feel like crap, but you'll get over it, I promise. And the next time you find yourself crazy about one of your single guy friends...do something!!
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County's singles when she's slinging drinks. While she doesn't consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem! If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to current@hudsonreporter.com. Please put in the subject line "Ms. Fix-it." The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.
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