Dear Ms. Fix-It:
There's this girl (there always is, right?). I've been in love with her since she transferred in my sophomore year in high school. I would have asked her out then, but she started seeing this guy on the football team before I could even work up the courage to say two words to her.
I tried to get over her. I went out with a lot of other girls and all those relationships went nowhere. Then, finally when we graduated, her boyfriend broke up with her. (I don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, but I was pretty happy she was single again - who stays with their high school boyfriend anyway?) Now we're at different colleges and she probably doesn't remember me, but a friend of mine has classes with her, and she keeps telling me that I should give this girl a letter telling her how I feel. My friend's advice sounds way too emo to me, but I don't feel confident enough to just walk up to her and strike up a conversation. I'm way better at writing than I am talking anyway. But a letter? Isn't that really cheesy? My friend says it's romantic, which is her girly opinion. It might make an impression, but I'm afraid she might be freaked out. Is this too old-fashioned or what? - So Not Cyrano
Dear So Not Cyrano-
Are there no girls at your college? You're talking about trying to establish a relationship with a girl who, by your own admission, probably doesn't even remember you. What are you hoping to base your approach on? You're going to write a letter saying, "You probably don't know me, but I think you're pretty and now that you're single, let's start a long-distance relationship, cuz I really really like you." It's not only cheesy; it's creepy. And this friend who's advising you to do so does not seem to have your best interests at heart at all! I think she's looking forward to getting a charge out of your discomfort.
Find a girl who actually knows you, and ask her out before she meets anyone on the football team.
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
When I go out with my friends to a bar, I drink a lot. My wife hates it, because I come home really late and I'm usually drunk. I only get to go out with my friends a few times a week and we all go to the same place and blow off some steam at the end of a hard day's work. Why won't she just leave me alone about it? Sure, sometimes I don't get in until 3 a.m. and my friends and I sometimes get a little too drunk. Before you ask the same question she does, we have a very responsible designated driver. Yeah, we might go a little crazy while we're out because I've woken up a couple times at home in bed and I don't remember what I did the night before, but it's not like I'm out with someone else or getting into serious trouble. I just want to go out with the guys and drink ourselves stupid sometimes. Of course, my wife yells at me all the time for it, but now she wants me to give up drinking for a month. She thinks that will make me realize I need to give it up. I don't need beer or any other alcohol, but I sure don't want to stop drinking it. Why should I? She likes to gamble, and she takes trips to Atlantic City all the time, but I don't ask her to give that up. How do I get her to leave me alone about this? - The Baron of Bourbon
Dear The Baron of Bourbon:
You say you "only get to go out with my friends a few times a week." So, if you had your way, you'd go out every night? Do you enjoy being married at all?
I think you should be able to go out with friends, don't get me wrong, but it seems like you'd rather not have to deal with your wife at all, and that seems like the real issue.
How old are you, and how long do you intend to act like a frat boy? Where's the fun in waking up and not remembering the night before? Get a grip, and stop blaming your wife.
Dear Ms. Fix-It:
I made my way through college on a football scholarship and my last year I blew my knee out. Doctors told me that I couldn't play without risking worse permanent damage. My girlfriend was with me through the whole thing and it's been a year now since it happened. She was always really understanding and she helped me a lot because I was really depressed when I couldn't play anymore. I couldn't think of wanting to do anything else but play football. I've kind of been drifting from one lousy job to another and it's been hard on me. It's starting to put some real strain on us as a couple because she keeps telling me that I need to pull out of this rut and enjoy what I've got. I know she's probably right but she thinks I should be over this by now and I'm still having trouble with it and she gets on me about it but I can't just act like everything's good. - Benched for Life
Dear Benched for Life:
You are aware that you're not the only one to ever suffer such a disappointment, right? As a matter of fact, it's fairly common in football.
Forgive me for being insensitive, but your girlfriend isn't the problem here. You and your bleeding heart are. Get some therapy if you need to, find a new direction, and move on. You are stalled in self-pity, and unless compulsive misery is your new plan, it's time to listen to your girlfriend and snap out of it.
Pretend someone else wrote your letter, and re-read it... you'll probably wince.
Ms. Fix-it, a.k.a. Hilary Morris, is a writer, actress, and expert mixologist. She spends her time doling out advice to many of Hudson County's singles when she's slinging drinks. While she doesn't consider herself an expert on relationships, she has survived plenty of heartbreak. Tell her your problem!
If you have any questions that you would like answered by Ms. Fix-it, please submit them to email@example.com. Please put in the subject line "Ms. Fix-it." The Current reserves the right to edit any letters for content or clarity.